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4 Stages of Relationships (BEWARE of Stage 3)

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14 Stages of Relationships (BEWARE of Stage 3) Empty 4 Stages of Relationships (BEWARE of Stage 3) on 15th July 2014, 10:08 am


Let me introduce you to what Dr. Wendy Walsh calls the 4 Stages of Love. I think
a better name is the 4 Stages of Relationships. Because these stages chronicle
the 4 stages a couple goes through in their relationship.
1. s*xual Attraction
The s*xual Attraction stage is when your body has a biological response to the
sight, sound, and smell of another person. This kind of attraction releases a
bunch of chemicals and signals in your brain like dopamine and serotonin. This
is what makes your palms sweaty, your face blush, your heart race, puts
butterflies in your stomach, and makes your man-hood erect. These chemicals
give you a ‘love high’ …like the drug heroin…and makes you do crazy st*pid stuff.
That’s because they stimulate the same part of the brain responsible for drug
addiction and obsessive compulsive behaviors. Basically, you get exposed to that
sweet, that nasty, that gooshy stuff…and you love it! Now…you hooked, you
sprung, you whipped, you’re nose is open…all that. And you can’t help it.
2. Romantic Love
Just like drug addiction, your body eventually gets use to the high (so I’m told). It
then creates a different kind of ‘chronic’ to get high on. As the relationship
continues, your body produces oxytocin and endorphins, which gives you a
sense of peace and security about your relationship. These self deluding
chemicals draw your attention and focus on all the good things about the person
and not the bad. You see all their irritating attributes as ‘adorable’. This is when
you start thinking, “OH-MY-GUUUDNESS, I think he’s my soul mate,” or “Fa-real-
doe, I think she might be ‘the one’.”
3. Intellectual Decision
As the oxytocin-high wears off, you enter the Intellectual Decision stage of
relationships. The sobriety you now have about who your mate really is gives
you a different perspective from the previous stages. You now see your mate’s
flaws on full display. And you have to make an intellectual decision whether to
accept your mate and his/her flaws or not. Those who decide to stay do so by
acknowledging the flaws, but holding on to the positive things that attracted you
to him/her in the first place. This is the most difficult part of relationships
because it requires the most sacrifice and compromise. The close-quarter
combat generally experienced in this stage reveals hidden flaws about how your
mate deals with problems and handles stress. Hidden flaws…that would’ve been
deal breakers had you known about them…or at least would’ve m*de you pump-
the-breaks harder before taking your relationship to the next level.
4. Mature Companionship
The Mature Companionship stage is part habit and part comfort. It’s all about
sharing your lives together. You’ve m*de it past the Intellectual Decision stage
and you have resolved to accept your mate, flaws and all, and stick it out.
Those in the s*xual Attraction and Romantic stages probably think they’ll be in
these stages forever…and coast smoothly into the Mature Companionship Stage
still high on the dopamine and oxytocin. But know…the high wears off when the
realities of life, work, household responsibilities, children, and just regular ole
relationship-stuff reveals character flaws…in you and your mate. That’s when
that sweet, that nasty, that gooshy stuff turns into that irritating, that frustrating,
that st*pid stuff.
In some relationships this reveal happens sooner than later. Some relationships
don’t make it past the Intellectual Decision stage. They get divorced. Or they
break off the engagement. Or the baby’s mother takes the kids, moves out, and
decides to raise the children alone, without his involvement (that’s another
topic… but it happens).

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